shrieks...

the moon is beautiful this evening... but there are bats circling my castle letting out horrible noises that pierce my calm skies... i am staying in the castle tonight, despite the many invitations across my worlds to leave and be entertained by the humans who know my name... i refuse to feed tonight, i do not wish to be bothered with the crimson mess that follows... i would rather lay away my time and drift to dreams than try to handle myself in their world... my thoughts have become unmanageable... i do not wish to wonder what will come next, i only want to be left here in my own solitude to see the moon and feel His presence... i know He is there and i cannot read His thoughts... but that is by his own intentions and i will not push for something that is not yet my own. my insides burn with hunger, ah, but what is so novel about that? all creatures must find a source of life, but for me, tonight, it is not to be poured into my veins... i will let them suffer through until i feel stronger... human holds have left me weary tonight... i give in to waking dreams

glass shattered...

i watched the young boy punch out the windows and felt pain for him as the pieces hit the pavement... what torture creates this anger inside someone so young? i meant to end his suffereing but couldn't bring myself to cut into him... i moved on and found a sleeping whore, i'm sure she won't mind the break... i'm heading back to the castle shortly, but before i go i must mention that i saw Him tonight, He was watching me... and i only wished i could go to Him... i wish there was a way to make that journey safely... but there is so much history between us already standing in the way... maybe it will never be...

sirens...

i have traveled farther into my castle after spending time feeding in the city lights... i saw prophet today, ah, he is so young! we find excellent adventures together, mostly of him showing off for me... he is so vibrant and altogether blunt, it's... he is beautiful, but still has not grown into his teeth. i love watching him try so hard, so determined to shock me, and sometimes i humour him and other times i just let him think he's really onto something... i wish he weren't leaving so soon, but, this will allow him to grow... and i suppose i could make time for him in the future, but until then, we have adventures and what else is there really to bleed for? he works at shocking others as well, and this is altogether different, because this, we work on together. we compete to be the center of attention and of course i always win because the males and females of that species find me both attractive and threatening where he has trouble keeping the attention of the males while i strut through a crowd barely speaking... just watching and waiting... i didnt feed off the humans tonight, the mere smell alone revolted me, i swear if i could i would wretch at the sight of them, but really, what would a mistress like me have to give back to the earth in such a situation? even thought Prophet will only be a part of my lie for a very short time, i am quite content to follow his steps... he keeps me well entertained.

as for being entertained, i spoke with an elder today who is part of another ideation, he is not fully one of us... he has a side that is not human, and is not blood thirsty, but part all together different. i have never seen one so illuminous... he goes by the name of Chael, but we all know it's not his human given name. he agrees with me that the human condition is quite unbearable... we had a lovely discussion over just this subjecy this evening... i only wish i didn't feel so protective around him...

i truly have backed myself into a high tower of the castle tonight... i just wish to be left alone for the remainder of my time... and then a deep sleep... often my best spent hours.

four o clocks...

tonight i am completley alone except for the small nightly creature who follows my every step... he is my familiar and lives only for me now... we sit together in the place we met... the place i started out from. it's all familiar, but oh so uncomforting... i fall in and out of love of the peace within the night.. the crimson moon comforts us... he looks out the window, seeming perfectly content while i watch my tears fall onto my wrists... the color of my skin seem so different now... and i fall in love with my skin everyday, and a human would call that vanity and self-absorbance... but really, am I not supposed to love my own tone? i watched the little yellow four o clocks wake up... but it's one in the morning, so i laugh a little on how Mother Nature got a little mixed up tonight. it's amazing to see such small yellow flowers bloom under Luna's guard when they were supposed to wait for Ra. I hear other small nightly creatures roaming through the alley... and I know a man is dying from a gun shot to the head only a few city blocks from this room... how did i ever come to be myself from this place? I feel His arms around me but He is not all here tonight... a part has come to comfort... will i ever really leave? even when I do go I come back... i always end up back where i began... is this all there is?