just...

i woke early tonight, and fed quickly before my brain realized what my blood craved. i have not fed much as of late... i have not done much in the way of taking care of myself... what is the point, i will be and continue to be and as far as i know there is no end. only blood and brain and time... forever time. i spend more time studying music than anything else in this world... but even that only keeps me semi-occupied. my blood fixates on his pulse... i hear the heart beat every night, he is close but out of reach and he will know if i come to quickly. i creep closer each night praying i go undetected by him, but more so by the rogue vamp in the corner lot listening to me. he is unaware that i know he is there... but i know he watches me watch the other. blood and brain confused with hunger and passion... a need unfulfilled... a lust ever growing. my veins explode with need of him, but he stays clear. i wonder how much he reads me, how much he knows... how much he wants himself. does he hear me creep below his window? or is he fixated on the rogue as well. the rogue is a threat to my plan, he may interfere interlust... he is only an obstacle to my goal... agony.

Nerezza's Mask

masks...

Every day I put on my mask
It hides me from the world
The people all love it
Telling me I am nice and caring
They come to me for advice and comfort
Laugh at all my jokes and act shocked at my mistakes

When I go home the mask comes off
I become cold as ice, my heart becoming black once more
The pain and lonliness slowly taking over my thoughts
Looking into my mirror I ask myself a single question
How do you like me now?

the middle...

I awoke with the need for solitude and flew slowly to the middle of nowhere. No blood to distract. No humans... just me and the vultures picking at the remains of what I can only guess to be a buffalo. Exhaustion consumes me. I am not my normal self. I have turned on the blood, I do not want it. I strive for a new life, but do I deserve it after I have taken so many? Are there second chances for the Undead? Agony...

Another...

Tonight seems even less successful than the eve before. I am bored with my mind and curious to know if there is something anything that I have yet to truly find. Is this the life that I will continue through eternity? I contemplate the need to drink tonight. Who really cares? I will not die from one night... I don't know if I can die at all... What I do know is that life has no meaning... I must find something to go on for. (a blood tear rolls down her eye with a sigh of pain and relief)

Bloody hell...

I awoke last night starving and dreaded moving out of my coffin. I skipped the regulatory make up and clothing to cover my true self. Screw it, tonight I fly alone and drink alone! I only tried once to look for Reap, but he disappeared after a quick glance. Fucker! Back on my own I wandered as my insides twisted and screeched for a drop. I didn't feel up to it. I noticed this guy in the alley, trying to get the attention of a girl in ripped nets... He had a real sick smile, dirty fingernails and an ugly gold chain. I wanted to save her from his terrible eyes. I didn't have the strength to bother. I let my veins sink and shriek... tossed a brick through a window, let the humans deal with it. I'm gone.